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piCtuRes of MeH
** A song that I can relate to. (^___^) ** pUt iN miNd *well....if you're tired to email me.
Just leave me a message at the tagboard or a comment.*
Ma. Romillie
Mae Lu
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Can't deny this, but this song totally struck me! bwahaha...maybe because it pretty much described my life!?? bwahaha...but i'm not as dramatic as this song though but i can say i could totally relate to it. (^__^) Laging bigo laging sawi sa pag ibig Gusto ko lang maranasang umibig May birthday cake ka nga Tatanggapin na lang ba ang malupit
TUMATAKBO
By: Mojofly.
Minamalas o kay sakit
May balat nga ba ako sa pwet
Mabuti pa ang tindera sa aming kanto
Nakakainggit TL ang sweet nila ng
Kanyang nobyo
Tamaan ni kupido
Gusto ko lamang maranasan ang langit
Tumibok muli ang puso ko
Tumatakbo ang oras naiiwan na ako
Ng panahon
Di na nagbago bawat araw pare pareho
Parang kahapon
Ngunit wala naman kandila
May Christmas tree na malupet
Wala naman dekorasyong pansabit
Sadyang ganyan ang aking buhay
Walang kasing tamlay
Ayoko sanang tumandang nagiisa
Na tadhana o kayay
Tatanggapin na lang ba na akoy
Sadyang hingi pinagpala
Tigilan na ang drama
Punasan na ang luha
Life can be fun or boring. I can't consider my life as fun as others because I am typing this entry on a Saturday night, duh! bwahaha...its a bit low to just have that an example to prove my life to be boring though. I believe that life should have both. It gotta be fun and boring at times. In my situation, i just realized that I chose my life to be a bit boring. There were quite a few opportunities that came my way recently that girls my age are dying to have or maybe just dreaming and not actually dying. wahehe.(^__^)
I don't know if its a big thing though but I had 2 offers that would have changed my life, i gotta admit, i was damn scared when it was offered of course and so I turned it down. One was to be the Ms. Dafecos...i would be representing our school against other schools...its a "beauty pageant" for economic students and i gotta admit...it blew my mind because I definitely have no plans of joining such thing. bwahaha...good thing im good at ditching things i dnt want and so i got outta it even if i was already voted. *evil smile* Hope I could still get out of it next year though 'coz they are threating me that i cant get out of it next year. *deep praying*
The second one was for an independent film, my classmate was pursuading me to join this screening for an indie film to be joined at the Guerrilla Film Fest this year because the producer, director and writer was telling him to get me and pursuade me to join. Man...I certainly have no plans of joining those kind of things..bwahaha...love story pa tlga! a BIG no no for me...if it was a scary movie, i would definitely join...im a self-proclaimed twin sis of Sadako.....bwahahaha.(^__^) until now...he's still bugging me bout it...duh! may kissing scene pa tlga...PIMP tlga yun! ano ako? bale!??? =p
But again..I am not declaring my life to be boring...anyways, it's pretty fun..i guess...but of course, life isn't purrrfect and there are a lot of bumps thats in my way. Yet...these opportunities that came my way totally made me laugh my brains out!!!! bwahahaha...wla lng...natatawa lng me...know why? because there's a big question in my mind ever since this happened....WHY ME!???? bwhahaha....kakawindang lng...mdyo baduy kc noh..wahehe..so not me.(^__^)
my sister ~ who had been heart-broken in a span of one month...when it rains, it pours my dear sister "...Is it your heart my berks (sandy,andy,mumay,jill,jb & bon2) ~ wow...we just had our 8th year anniversary last month, though we haven't had the time to celebrate...im glad you guys are my friends!!!!! (^__^) "I'll be there for you "Papa Jeff" ~ hmm...seein' him at the gym makin me wanna sweat out more..bwahaha...*stalker alert*=p "...you know that I have always dream of you E.F.R ~ you are totally a big ? I feel like a loser to have a crush on you...wahehe...shame on me! "...Ayoko na sa'yo, ayoko na sa'yo Gabriel aka "angel" ~ there's just something about you...i guess, i admire everything bout it. "...I look at you looking at me ? ~ wahehe..of course...to that someone who will come into my life...a song in the future for us. (baduy!!!!) "...Well it's for you and everyone Meh-ahn ~ i gotta have a song for myself....i just love this song and I declare it as thre song of my life!!!! (^__^) "...When I fall in love I take my time Inspired by the blog entry of my ohh so dorky sister...wahehe...i also had the liking of posting line of a song dedicated to the people who are surrounding me and had a part of my life. (^__^)
Oh, that's breakin' all in pieces
Makin' you cry
Makin' you feel blue..." ( tell me where it hurts, MYMP)
When the rain starts to pour
I'll be there for you
Like I've been there before
I'll be there for you
'Cause you're there for me, too.." ( I'll be there for you, Rembrandts)
Only you, in the day, in the night
Every waking hour of my life..." (get me, MYMP)
May balitang lalaki ang type mo..." ( ayoko na sa'yo, Mahat @ Mura)
Now I know why they say the best things are free
Gonna love you boy you are so fine
Angel of Mine..."( angel of mine, Monica)
I thought i've searched the world in vain
Now look at me, And the search is done
We will never be the same,
Not the same..." ( just a smile, Barbie Almalbis)
There's no need to hurry when I'm making up my mind
You can turn off the sun but I'm still gonna shine
and I'll tell you why..." ( the remedy, Jason Mraz)
How come when you feel the worse that's when the greatest moment of your life happens? Is it God telling me not to keep my hopes up and stop imagining things and let things go by? Maybe. All the time, when something great happens, it always caught me off guard and this is from a girl who has a full 500 yards radar whenever my crushes (take note: c-r-u-s-h-e-s) are around! (^__^)
I never thought that tonight would be my most memorable gym experience...ok maybe for now! wahehe. Again, im blabbering about "Papa Jeff"...i know it's not a surprise anymore. This is more than eye contact and my very seemingly senseless blabbering and fantasizing.
I wanna write every detail here because I want to feel the feeling I have right now when I read this entry in the future. wahehe...so this may be a pretty long entry. Here goes...
Another day at the gym, another day of sweating out, I woke up late (what's new!??) and I haven't packed my gym clothes. So as hurriedly as i can, i got the first jogging pants i saw and scrambled to get my things for school. After classes, I went to the gym, as i was letting my bag get expected by the guards, i heared a car pull over...bwahaha...it's the famous violet car, yes..it was "his". That's when i realized that it'll be another happy day at the gym!!! wahehe...(^__^) As i changed my clothes, i realized i packed my pe jogging pants which i wore from high school...it's kinda big has a little hip-hop vibe on it and i liked it but its not my gym pants coz its a bit of 'childish' bwahaha...not 'lady like ei!??(^__^) I also packed my not so comfortable shirts...man, i totally blew it but i got no choice but to wear this shirts and hope things would go well. Anyways, as usual...did my thing at the gym and bust my butt off.ü
After 2 hours of working out (and chatting!!! wahehe) i went to the locker room and changed my shirt. When i went to the reception, "papa jeff" was there and his friend who was also a friend of mine. This friend of his always teases me and we were the ones who always distracts each other when trying to workout (take note: he's not cute so i dont feel awkward around this guy and he's kinda like my link to be a bit closer to 'papa jeff' wahehe.) I don't know, i feel a little childish (as if i'm not childish! bwahaha) at that time that when "papa jeff" asked the receptionist, ate nelia, for a pass i was doin' a little whisper telling her that "buti pa ako noh may card hindi ko na kelangan ng car pass". They were laughin' and she teased me that im such a "palaaway" (hope i scored a point there!).
Would you believe i didn't noticed that i was already with 'him' and his friend goin' towards the elevator!?? oh yeah...i only realized that when i was goin inside the elevator hurriedly and didn't noticed that i cut in between 'his' friend and the buttons, i pressed 2 immediately and just gave him a smile. His friend commented that "ah...siningitan pa ako!" i just teased him back "sus...namiss mo lang nga ako eh!" i noticed that 'papa jeff' was just looking at us and giggling with our stupid conversation. Then as i was just staring blankly, he suddenly looked down and noticed by jogging pants which i totally forgot that i was wearing it and not my usual pants. He said in Bisaya "oww..kuyawa sa jogging pants oi!" (translation: "wow....that's some jogging pants!") I looked down and i just said laughing that just let it be..it was what i was wearing for my pe classes before. We were already goin outside the parking lot walking towards the elevator when i realized that the three of us were already havin a conversation!!!!
His friend asked me where my dad was and that he left the gym before me. I said that he left early and i think he didn't even said goodbye to me. "Papa Jeff" then suddenly joked me and said that my dad doesn't care for me anymore and he was teasing me nah. OMG!!!! I was just laughing with them but if he only knew it was a mixed with kilig na!!!! (^__^)
When we were already in the carpark 'his' friend told him that he'll wait there below because his car was already parked close to the exit. I was walking towards my car which was a few more feet away when i realized that 'papa jeff' was behind me...i suddenly saw that his car was parked beside my car!!!!!!! His car opened and i clicked my alarm 2...when he heard my car clicked he suddenly said, "oi, magkatabi pa pla tayo." argh!!!! I was so stupid...i couldn't remember what i said i think i just said 'ditto' and smiled or i didn't said anything! Man...i was so stupid...i can't even remember if i bid his goodbye. Talk about almost surviving that moment with flying colors then i gotto screw it up at the last minute.
i definitely couldn't believe what just happened. We talked for awhile before but it was just a few exchange workds. This was definitely a "turning point". This was a different moment. It was just the moment when he was the one who initiated the conversation with me! It totally blew my mind! While driving home...i just can't wipe off the big smile in my face. I was out of my mind and I just want the feeling to never go away. (^__^)
*Warning: not for the weak of heart and stomach...this is sooo disgusting and it just happened to me this afternoon!!! (sorry for some of the "bad words" i used but it's the only way i can express this...)* How disgusting can this world be!??? Ugh...just thinking about what happened to me and Sandy this afternoon makes me cringe and want to puke!!! It was the most DISGUSTING, i can't find anymore words to describe how immoral and inhuman what we just encountered! A perverted dude was playing with himself behind a tree infront of our school! F*ck!!!! We were walking towards my car and we have to cross the street so we have to pass by the tree...suddenly this dude just faced us and I heard this weird sound, at the corner of my eye i can sense this dude was doin something totally friggin' sick!!! And hee was only a few f*ckin' feet away from me! Sandy & i just automatically walked really fast in the middle of the road! We didn't gave a damn anymore if there were cars passing by and we immediately went inside my car. I was so mad that i was lookin' round for cops around our school but just when you need them the most...the cops weren't around!!!!!!!! I don't know what to think anymore. I thought this thing would never really happen in reality or worst...i would experience it first hand!!! I was just thankful that nothing bad happened to me and sandy, that we DIDN'T saw 'it' and that i was with her and it didn't happen when i was alone goin' to my car. it was totally a traumatic experience......let this be a lesson, just when you thought you're in a safe place (ie infront of your school, office, etc.), it's really NEVER safe...these kind of sick people are everywhere and anytime things can go wrong! We should ALWAYS be careful and be alert of the people around us....
Today was my the first time to go to the gym after 3 weeks of not goin'. As I parked my car, I noticed a violet car...I suddenly felt a rush and realized that "Papa Jeff" was also there!!! I was estatic to go to the gym. As I arrived there with all smiles, I slowly looked around and found out he wasn't there. I thought that maybe it wasn't his car and my imagination is taking over me! It was over a month since I last saw him so maybe it was my longing that made me think to see his car only a car away parked from me.
While I was doin some aerobics exercise...I felt my knees weak when a tall guy walked by outside (the room has a glass where we can look through the gym). It was him!!!!!! He came from nowhere and I suddenly forgot what the hell I was doing! He was still cute and dashing as ever with his tall masculine body and cute smile. (^__^)
Minutes has passed, me just looking at him walking back and forth. As I was doin some floor exercise...my face was faced down and my hair was all over my face when I realized someone walked by...as I looked up..it was him! Damn! I'm sure he saw me with my hair on my face and I totally looked like a doofus! =p
After all the exercising...I sat by the counter because I was waiting for the water to be refilled. I was just sitting there minding my business when I saw him by the door of the aerobics room texting, of course...I was doing some glances at him. I never expected what happened... EYE CONTACT!!!!!!!!! not just once but a few more times! damn! I almost fell of the chair. I had to do something so I stood up and got some water as to avoid being noticed by him (pakipot move!).
We attended a Nike seminar at the gym..of course I attended 'coz he was there too of course. wahehe. After the seminar, I thought he'd still be doin some weight lifting but suddenly he was gone. So I rushed over to my dad to say goodbye and went downstairs to the locker. I never expected that he'd still be at the gym. I went to the counter to get my id card and pay. Then suddenly..i sensed a tall guy beside me. damn one more time! it was him...i didn't know what to do so again...i just pretended to not notice him (patay mali!).
I was already formulating a plan how to be with at the elevator down to the carpark. And low and behold...my plan worked! wahehe...We were the only ones at the elevator, I was forcing not to smile as I went inside the elevator. For just a few second inside the elevator...my imagination was running wild, "where is that emergency button!?", "God...I wish the elevator would suddenly stop!",
"hmm...is it easy to just rape him!?" "Holy smokes...were breathing the same air.", " would my head hurt if I pretend to faint and fell down!?"
I noticed that he was really a gentleman...he let me first get inside and first to go outside the elevator (*__*). While goin to the parking lot...he was just walking behind me...wahhh...my smile was from ear to ear! Even if I couldn't see him his presence was there, there behind me. I was sad when I got inside the car...I know that he would be the first one to leave because his car was facing the way while my car was backwards so I'll have to back my car (the parking lot was a bit small). But I was shocked that he just waited...his car was already outside the lot and I was still backing up my car. I realized I shouldn't screw up my driving this time! wahehe...well...that the end of it. A few moments that led to me write a truly loong entry. bwahehe.(^__^)
**** ohh...btw...my Korean crush...Edward...was also at the gym! wahehe...it happy gym time for me! I didn't know he was going there too..i never thought three weeks was really long. wahehe...****
I never thought that this would ever happen to me. In a span of two weeks...every fear that i have had happened!
~ realized my crush was a total ass-h***
~ had a 'not so nice' honest text with my most hated person in class
~ had a misunderstanding with my close friend that lasted over a week
~ our family clan is falling apart...the adults are having problems with one another
~ experienced a very low grade because i was late at class and wasn't allowed by the prof to answer the quiz!!!!!! (argh!!!!)
~ my grandmother had an heart attack while in our care; just over the weekend
~ My grandmother died last friday.
~ got stung by a bee yesterday!!! huhu....my palm was swollen yesterday.
I guess these things just gotta happened..i'm glad that i'm actually surviving it because i thought i was in the verge of breaking down. Things are starting to go back into pieces though. Just glad i have my friends and family to lean on to and get my strength from. I may act like i'm having a ball everyday but deep inside i totally confused how to handle my emotions. Right now, making fun out of simple things can help me forget even for awhile the hurt that i feel deep inside.
I never expected that reality would be a tough cookie. It kicked me hard on the bum. I felt like after it kicked me, I hit myself on the wall...*wham* head on and I stumbled down the stairs...it wasn't satisfied...i got trampled by a 10-wheeler truck!!! How can a fantasy turned to reality be a living nightmare!
He was my ideal or should i say my "dream" guy. His nice hair, cute smile, innocent eyes and amazing dancing totally swept me off my feet. It was definitely attraction at first sight. I found him the cuteness guy in our course the moment he walked through the door of F401 a year ago.
I can still remember my stupid feeling when I laid eyes on him. I suddenly felt a weird feeling that i would always get on my other crushes but i knew this was different. He was different. He wasn't like my any other crush...ok maybe he is a little bit but he's not fair skinned...he's a bit moreno and a filipino..i guess no chinese blood (ok,ok...he looked like a Hua Ze Lei, i admit).(^_^)
My whole 2nd year in Economics...he was the reason I'd feel excited when going to our Ecosoc meetings or even join the activities as long as i know he's there. He was my inspiration for me to move on in this course. For the whole year...i was happy just stealing teenie glances at his direction or even say a few words. I thought a year would be enough for me to be his friend but alas...torpe ako! Nothing happened for the whole year...just a few Hi's and Hello's and a few magical seconds of eye contacts only happened. Then an opportunity came my way...i was offered to run as an officer for Ecosoc and i know there would be a possibility he'd be an officer too. To make it short...i was right. He is the Vice Pres and i'm the Secretary, so this was my first step into being close to him and maybe be friends with him to stop my crazy fantasies.
I'm now a 3rd year student and he's a 4th year student. This could be my last year to make a move to be just his friend. I guess i achieved that within just a month. it's July now and i can say we talked often now. I was accepted at SSEDUCT which he is also a part of it so it made it easier for us to have small conversations. Last Friday, July 1, was supposed to be something amazing for me. I was late for our acquantance party, when i arrivied, Sandy pulled me aside and told me he was looking for me. I kinda shrug it off because i don't want to keep my hopes up.
As the party moved along, i sensed that he was trying to make me notice him. He talked to me, kept standing or seating beside or behind me, wanted to embarass me infront of my classmates by calling the new sseduct members to dance..wahehe...i pretended i wasn't the one he was calling. =p Then he judged a game and our group won. Sandy again pulled me aside and told me if i heard what his friend shouted when we won, she said "Ang daya naman! Andun kc c Mae~an eh!" as naive as i was..i automatically reacted and told Sandy that i didn't cheated on the game & I played fair! She slapped me playfully and told me that, that wasn't she meant but it meant was that our group won because i was there and he was bias to our group.
The next day, I went to school because we'll have our final practice for our rpesentation. Because we weren't present the night before, we didn't have a formation for the cheering performance. The dance head pulled me over and placed infront and my partner would be Cyril. Then she pulled HIM and placed HIM at the over side of the formation. Then again..she suddenly called me and told me that i'll be his partner and that we were placed right infront aligning with the old members!!!!!! Honestly, i wasn't at all happy that he was my partner because i know we'll be the laughing stock of the Econ students. I was quite a dork on practice because i always forget the yell and clappings that i feel his already pissed off at me..wahehe. (^__^)
The day has finally came. It was sunday and we were about to perform. Our call time was 7:00am and yet he was still a no show at 8:00am. I was looking for him but he wasn't there so i didn't hesistate to approach Joseph and asked him if he could be my partner for the cheering performance because my partner hadn't arrived yet. Joseph wasn't at our practice the day before but he was an old member so i assumed he knew the routine already. Then, we were already ready to perform, i already left the idea that HE'D still show up. Thank God, Joseph was there to fill in for him but because joseph was a bit bigger that him, our routine was totally a bust! We'd bumo into each other and joseph forgot some of the clappings. I couldn't blame him though..i was just thankful i wasn't left there doing it by myself.
I don't know what was worst...being stood up by your crush or realizing he's an insensitive guy! He came so late already. I sensed that he hesitated to talk to me, when he did, he asked me if i had a partner and what happened. I told him what happened and know what he did? He kinda giggled..i don't know if it was bcoz of embarassment or he was making fun of what happened. When his friends asked him why he didn't showed up, he simply said that he got tired so he decided not to show up! He didn't asked for an apology and i totally don't know what to react. I was just minding my own business..playin round with my pod pretending i wasn't affected at all.
I wanted to shrug the whole thing off but when i heard my friends told our other friends the story...it totally hit me. They were right..i couldn't pretend it didn't happened and should forget him and my admiration for him. I joked around that it was easy but until this day...i found out it wasn't that easy. It was hard. I am improving in forgetting him...there are a lot of fish in the sea.
I found a certain fish but is also hard to catch like him. Maybe i should just focus my attention on that fish rather than this fish. I am totally losing my mind. I don't know what to do. Fishes are so complicating!!! wahehe....(^__^)
i really don't know what i'm gonna do. i've thought about it last year but maybe i was just saying it but not really meaning it. what am i talking about? join a group of "talented" SS&E students at school. it all started yesterday when we attended the SS & E Division Orientation Day. I honestly got jealous of Sandy and JC when their group...the Subdominant 7 (it's a choir for our school...they sing gospel songs...they're pretty good.) performed. it hit me that these guys are active in school activities and they've got time burned by practicing and doing what they love and here i am watching ang feeling envious because i'm a chicken shit and doesn't have the courage to join these kind of group. it occured to me that i'm not as active in school now that im in college as i was when i was in high school. i mean, when i was in high school...i was almost everywhere with my friends...we would sometimes go home really late coz we'll practice or do some stuff.
When the Sidak (i think this is the spelling or whatever) performed i was so interested that i thought i wanna join them. then they announced that they'll have an audition...i think it'll be this Saturday and i'm so atta lost. what am i to do? i like dancing and for me..it's my "passion" as compared to singing (^_^)! but how come im so scared and i feel embarassed just thinking about it?
Sandy and JC gave me a little prep talk this afternoon...they're the only ones who knows im planning to do this crazy thing!!!! i'm so shocked that im actually embarassed and scared to try out for this audition. my last audition was when i was in 3rd yr high school for the cultural show...i was accepted there but now...im so scared that i'll be rejected. i'm actually pursuading sandy to join me in audition.(kelangan ng karamay! wahehe) waahh!!! what's goin on with me!? Can anybody recommend a Confidence Booster!?? wahehe.i need it so badly. i'm still banging my head on the wall whether i should audition for this or i'll just graduate thinking 'what if'!?? i guess..i also don't wanna assume that i'm good at dancing...i don't know..i just love dancing but im not sure if dancing really loves me? the last time i actually performed infront of a huge crowd was last year on Duna's debut i think...it's been a long time and i'm starting to lose my old self.
can this audition change my life? can it bring me back to the old active mae~an at school? can it make me or crush me? can it ruin my plans of improving my grades? i don't know...i definitely have no idea and it's driving me crazy!!!! again...my indecisive self is taking over me and it's actually killing me big time!!!!! crap!
When your schedule sucks, laugh it off.
When all your plans didn't push through, laugh it off.
When you can't sleep early, laugh it off.
When you wake up late for school, laugh it off.
When you're already flying your car instead of driving it to school, laugh it off.
When you can't find a nice parking space, laugh it off.
When you'll have to walk a long way from your car to school, laugh it off.
When you come to your classes late, laugh it off.
When you see people you don't wanna see at all, laugh it off.
When you feel your day was a total waste just sittin 'round at school, laugh it off.
When you arrive at a meeting late, laugh it off.
When you acted goofy aka a totally GEEK infront of your crush, laugh it off.
When there's a live 'drama' that is goin' on around you, laugh it off.
When you realize your wishing your life's like the drama series you watch, laugh it off.
When you realized your losing your friends one by one because they're starting to fall in love, laugh it off.
When you realize you'll not even falling in love anytime soon, laugh it off.
When you're dreaming bout an ideal person you'll fall in love with & you know it may not happen, laugh it off.
When you realize you've got a long way to go, laugh it off.
When you're totally bored that you started planning your life for the next 2 yrs, laugh it off.
When you're starting to act and think not the way that you do, laugh it off.
Laughing it off may not be the greatest solution in life.
But it works for me in the time being.
My life is not that great now, but i'm pretty happy and quiet contented to reflect and think about it now.
This year is my improvement year...a year that i'm goin to improve myself, to make myself better not for others but for me.
Get myself together and be the person i want to be.
But for now...as i 'reflect' on these things...the only the thing for me to do now is...
Laugh it off Dammit 'coz that's the best i can do now!!!!! (^__^)
