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piCtuRes of MeH
** A song that I can relate to. (^___^) ** pUt iN miNd *well....if you're tired to email me.
Just leave me a message at the tagboard or a comment.*
Ma. Romillie
Mae Lu
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Today was my the first time to go to the gym after 3 weeks of not goin'. As I parked my car, I noticed a violet car...I suddenly felt a rush and realized that "Papa Jeff" was also there!!! I was estatic to go to the gym. As I arrived there with all smiles, I slowly looked around and found out he wasn't there. I thought that maybe it wasn't his car and my imagination is taking over me! It was over a month since I last saw him so maybe it was my longing that made me think to see his car only a car away parked from me.
While I was doin some aerobics exercise...I felt my knees weak when a tall guy walked by outside (the room has a glass where we can look through the gym). It was him!!!!!! He came from nowhere and I suddenly forgot what the hell I was doing! He was still cute and dashing as ever with his tall masculine body and cute smile. (^__^)
Minutes has passed, me just looking at him walking back and forth. As I was doin some floor exercise...my face was faced down and my hair was all over my face when I realized someone walked by...as I looked up..it was him! Damn! I'm sure he saw me with my hair on my face and I totally looked like a doofus! =p
After all the exercising...I sat by the counter because I was waiting for the water to be refilled. I was just sitting there minding my business when I saw him by the door of the aerobics room texting, of course...I was doing some glances at him. I never expected what happened... EYE CONTACT!!!!!!!!! not just once but a few more times! damn! I almost fell of the chair. I had to do something so I stood up and got some water as to avoid being noticed by him (pakipot move!).
We attended a Nike seminar at the gym..of course I attended 'coz he was there too of course. wahehe. After the seminar, I thought he'd still be doin some weight lifting but suddenly he was gone. So I rushed over to my dad to say goodbye and went downstairs to the locker. I never expected that he'd still be at the gym. I went to the counter to get my id card and pay. Then suddenly..i sensed a tall guy beside me. damn one more time! it was him...i didn't know what to do so again...i just pretended to not notice him (patay mali!).
I was already formulating a plan how to be with at the elevator down to the carpark. And low and behold...my plan worked! wahehe...We were the only ones at the elevator, I was forcing not to smile as I went inside the elevator. For just a few second inside the elevator...my imagination was running wild, "where is that emergency button!?", "God...I wish the elevator would suddenly stop!",
"hmm...is it easy to just rape him!?" "Holy smokes...were breathing the same air.", " would my head hurt if I pretend to faint and fell down!?"
I noticed that he was really a gentleman...he let me first get inside and first to go outside the elevator (*__*). While goin to the parking lot...he was just walking behind me...wahhh...my smile was from ear to ear! Even if I couldn't see him his presence was there, there behind me. I was sad when I got inside the car...I know that he would be the first one to leave because his car was facing the way while my car was backwards so I'll have to back my car (the parking lot was a bit small). But I was shocked that he just waited...his car was already outside the lot and I was still backing up my car. I realized I shouldn't screw up my driving this time! wahehe...well...that the end of it. A few moments that led to me write a truly loong entry. bwahehe.(^__^)
**** ohh...btw...my Korean crush...Edward...was also at the gym! wahehe...it happy gym time for me! I didn't know he was going there too..i never thought three weeks was really long. wahehe...****
I never thought that this would ever happen to me. In a span of two weeks...every fear that i have had happened!
~ realized my crush was a total ass-h***
~ had a 'not so nice' honest text with my most hated person in class
~ had a misunderstanding with my close friend that lasted over a week
~ our family clan is falling apart...the adults are having problems with one another
~ experienced a very low grade because i was late at class and wasn't allowed by the prof to answer the quiz!!!!!! (argh!!!!)
~ my grandmother had an heart attack while in our care; just over the weekend
~ My grandmother died last friday.
~ got stung by a bee yesterday!!! huhu....my palm was swollen yesterday.
I guess these things just gotta happened..i'm glad that i'm actually surviving it because i thought i was in the verge of breaking down. Things are starting to go back into pieces though. Just glad i have my friends and family to lean on to and get my strength from. I may act like i'm having a ball everyday but deep inside i totally confused how to handle my emotions. Right now, making fun out of simple things can help me forget even for awhile the hurt that i feel deep inside.
I never expected that reality would be a tough cookie. It kicked me hard on the bum. I felt like after it kicked me, I hit myself on the wall...*wham* head on and I stumbled down the stairs...it wasn't satisfied...i got trampled by a 10-wheeler truck!!! How can a fantasy turned to reality be a living nightmare!
He was my ideal or should i say my "dream" guy. His nice hair, cute smile, innocent eyes and amazing dancing totally swept me off my feet. It was definitely attraction at first sight. I found him the cuteness guy in our course the moment he walked through the door of F401 a year ago.
I can still remember my stupid feeling when I laid eyes on him. I suddenly felt a weird feeling that i would always get on my other crushes but i knew this was different. He was different. He wasn't like my any other crush...ok maybe he is a little bit but he's not fair skinned...he's a bit moreno and a filipino..i guess no chinese blood (ok,ok...he looked like a Hua Ze Lei, i admit).(^_^)
My whole 2nd year in Economics...he was the reason I'd feel excited when going to our Ecosoc meetings or even join the activities as long as i know he's there. He was my inspiration for me to move on in this course. For the whole year...i was happy just stealing teenie glances at his direction or even say a few words. I thought a year would be enough for me to be his friend but alas...torpe ako! Nothing happened for the whole year...just a few Hi's and Hello's and a few magical seconds of eye contacts only happened. Then an opportunity came my way...i was offered to run as an officer for Ecosoc and i know there would be a possibility he'd be an officer too. To make it short...i was right. He is the Vice Pres and i'm the Secretary, so this was my first step into being close to him and maybe be friends with him to stop my crazy fantasies.
I'm now a 3rd year student and he's a 4th year student. This could be my last year to make a move to be just his friend. I guess i achieved that within just a month. it's July now and i can say we talked often now. I was accepted at SSEDUCT which he is also a part of it so it made it easier for us to have small conversations. Last Friday, July 1, was supposed to be something amazing for me. I was late for our acquantance party, when i arrivied, Sandy pulled me aside and told me he was looking for me. I kinda shrug it off because i don't want to keep my hopes up.
As the party moved along, i sensed that he was trying to make me notice him. He talked to me, kept standing or seating beside or behind me, wanted to embarass me infront of my classmates by calling the new sseduct members to dance..wahehe...i pretended i wasn't the one he was calling. =p Then he judged a game and our group won. Sandy again pulled me aside and told me if i heard what his friend shouted when we won, she said "Ang daya naman! Andun kc c Mae~an eh!" as naive as i was..i automatically reacted and told Sandy that i didn't cheated on the game & I played fair! She slapped me playfully and told me that, that wasn't she meant but it meant was that our group won because i was there and he was bias to our group.
The next day, I went to school because we'll have our final practice for our rpesentation. Because we weren't present the night before, we didn't have a formation for the cheering performance. The dance head pulled me over and placed infront and my partner would be Cyril. Then she pulled HIM and placed HIM at the over side of the formation. Then again..she suddenly called me and told me that i'll be his partner and that we were placed right infront aligning with the old members!!!!!! Honestly, i wasn't at all happy that he was my partner because i know we'll be the laughing stock of the Econ students. I was quite a dork on practice because i always forget the yell and clappings that i feel his already pissed off at me..wahehe. (^__^)
The day has finally came. It was sunday and we were about to perform. Our call time was 7:00am and yet he was still a no show at 8:00am. I was looking for him but he wasn't there so i didn't hesistate to approach Joseph and asked him if he could be my partner for the cheering performance because my partner hadn't arrived yet. Joseph wasn't at our practice the day before but he was an old member so i assumed he knew the routine already. Then, we were already ready to perform, i already left the idea that HE'D still show up. Thank God, Joseph was there to fill in for him but because joseph was a bit bigger that him, our routine was totally a bust! We'd bumo into each other and joseph forgot some of the clappings. I couldn't blame him though..i was just thankful i wasn't left there doing it by myself.
I don't know what was worst...being stood up by your crush or realizing he's an insensitive guy! He came so late already. I sensed that he hesitated to talk to me, when he did, he asked me if i had a partner and what happened. I told him what happened and know what he did? He kinda giggled..i don't know if it was bcoz of embarassment or he was making fun of what happened. When his friends asked him why he didn't showed up, he simply said that he got tired so he decided not to show up! He didn't asked for an apology and i totally don't know what to react. I was just minding my own business..playin round with my pod pretending i wasn't affected at all.
I wanted to shrug the whole thing off but when i heard my friends told our other friends the story...it totally hit me. They were right..i couldn't pretend it didn't happened and should forget him and my admiration for him. I joked around that it was easy but until this day...i found out it wasn't that easy. It was hard. I am improving in forgetting him...there are a lot of fish in the sea.
I found a certain fish but is also hard to catch like him. Maybe i should just focus my attention on that fish rather than this fish. I am totally losing my mind. I don't know what to do. Fishes are so complicating!!! wahehe....(^__^)
i really don't know what i'm gonna do. i've thought about it last year but maybe i was just saying it but not really meaning it. what am i talking about? join a group of "talented" SS&E students at school. it all started yesterday when we attended the SS & E Division Orientation Day. I honestly got jealous of Sandy and JC when their group...the Subdominant 7 (it's a choir for our school...they sing gospel songs...they're pretty good.) performed. it hit me that these guys are active in school activities and they've got time burned by practicing and doing what they love and here i am watching ang feeling envious because i'm a chicken shit and doesn't have the courage to join these kind of group. it occured to me that i'm not as active in school now that im in college as i was when i was in high school. i mean, when i was in high school...i was almost everywhere with my friends...we would sometimes go home really late coz we'll practice or do some stuff.
When the Sidak (i think this is the spelling or whatever) performed i was so interested that i thought i wanna join them. then they announced that they'll have an audition...i think it'll be this Saturday and i'm so atta lost. what am i to do? i like dancing and for me..it's my "passion" as compared to singing (^_^)! but how come im so scared and i feel embarassed just thinking about it?
Sandy and JC gave me a little prep talk this afternoon...they're the only ones who knows im planning to do this crazy thing!!!! i'm so shocked that im actually embarassed and scared to try out for this audition. my last audition was when i was in 3rd yr high school for the cultural show...i was accepted there but now...im so scared that i'll be rejected. i'm actually pursuading sandy to join me in audition.(kelangan ng karamay! wahehe) waahh!!! what's goin on with me!? Can anybody recommend a Confidence Booster!?? wahehe.i need it so badly. i'm still banging my head on the wall whether i should audition for this or i'll just graduate thinking 'what if'!?? i guess..i also don't wanna assume that i'm good at dancing...i don't know..i just love dancing but im not sure if dancing really loves me? the last time i actually performed infront of a huge crowd was last year on Duna's debut i think...it's been a long time and i'm starting to lose my old self.
can this audition change my life? can it bring me back to the old active mae~an at school? can it make me or crush me? can it ruin my plans of improving my grades? i don't know...i definitely have no idea and it's driving me crazy!!!! again...my indecisive self is taking over me and it's actually killing me big time!!!!! crap!
When your schedule sucks, laugh it off.
When all your plans didn't push through, laugh it off.
When you can't sleep early, laugh it off.
When you wake up late for school, laugh it off.
When you're already flying your car instead of driving it to school, laugh it off.
When you can't find a nice parking space, laugh it off.
When you'll have to walk a long way from your car to school, laugh it off.
When you come to your classes late, laugh it off.
When you see people you don't wanna see at all, laugh it off.
When you feel your day was a total waste just sittin 'round at school, laugh it off.
When you arrive at a meeting late, laugh it off.
When you acted goofy aka a totally GEEK infront of your crush, laugh it off.
When there's a live 'drama' that is goin' on around you, laugh it off.
When you realize your wishing your life's like the drama series you watch, laugh it off.
When you realized your losing your friends one by one because they're starting to fall in love, laugh it off.
When you realize you'll not even falling in love anytime soon, laugh it off.
When you're dreaming bout an ideal person you'll fall in love with & you know it may not happen, laugh it off.
When you realize you've got a long way to go, laugh it off.
When you're totally bored that you started planning your life for the next 2 yrs, laugh it off.
When you're starting to act and think not the way that you do, laugh it off.
Laughing it off may not be the greatest solution in life.
But it works for me in the time being.
My life is not that great now, but i'm pretty happy and quiet contented to reflect and think about it now.
This year is my improvement year...a year that i'm goin to improve myself, to make myself better not for others but for me.
Get myself together and be the person i want to be.
But for now...as i 'reflect' on these things...the only the thing for me to do now is...
Laugh it off Dammit 'coz that's the best i can do now!!!!! (^__^)
hmm..just wanna share a little incident that happened to me this afternoon at a restaurant that's only a walking distance by our school. It's a restaurant/internet cafe/ little grocery store. wahehe...there's also a dormitory upstairs. Anyways, i was buying some snacks for me to bring to school, when i was about to pay at the cashier who is also the owner of the whole place. She asked me if i was also buying the c2 drink..i said "Opo" take note: she was speaking to me in English! I thought that's just how she speaks..i dunno..wahehe...maybe she was practicing or something dba!?? then she asked me if i would want a cellophane for the stuff...i, again told her in tagalog that "wag nalng po". when i was leaving the cashier...i heard her say to the guy beside her "I thought she was a foreigner!(w/ an embarassed tone)" man!!!!! i couldn't control myself from laughing when i was walking towards my friends. I was quite embarassed for what happened but it was so funny that i was laughing when i told my friends!!!! kainis lng coz hindi na me tantanan ng mga friends ko coz they were all teasing me already. gaga pa tlga si Cheng...she was planning to trick other employess in that places and she was telling me to start speaking english na when we'll go back! bwahehe. when i told my brother that story..he couldn't believe it and was quite shocked..wla lng..kakatawa lng tlga..o dba? akalain kang estrangehero sa sarili mong bansa (*deep*)!???? laugh trip!!!! (^__^) i remembered tuloy what happened to me in Hong Kong last year...we were walking by the Kowloon Bay...overlooking Hong Kong Island...a group of girls walked towards me and speaking to me in Cantonese (i guess) and if my understanding wasn't wrong..they were asking me to take a picture of them. But i was so shocked when they approached me that all i can do was nodded and wave my hands to tell them i can't understand and i walked closed to my mom! bwahehe...i looked stoopid but give me a break, i was nervous alright!! wahehe.(^__^) *just curious though what the owner of the place though my nationality was!?? hmm...should go back there!! bwahehe...joke! wahehe*
ADVANTAGES: DISADVANTAGES: Omg! School's about to start. As any NORMAL student would be...i'm not excited at all for the coming semester. There's nothing exciting to see...i never even had the feeling of missing going to school. Most students would be sad goin back to school because they'll have less time in goin out on gimmicks with their friends of just bumming out at home bein a couch potato. Well...that was me before (around 3 yrs ago) but now...i'm just sad to be parting ways with my pc for a few hours. Yeahh...this is soo not normal anymore. I'll just "waste" my time sitting here infront of the pc and doin a LOT of stuff (well..for me that's not a waste!). I believe my ass' gone big because of all the sitting here for hours!!!! I am truly obssess with my pc and my bestfriend...DSL.(^__^)
I have mentioned before that i am a born techie. Now, i've discovered a new description for myself...well, i've thought about this term while i was talking with my cousin, Liaa, who is a Computer Science graduate that we are "technologically advanced." wahehe..way to go get a nicer description ayt!?? wahehe. Anyways, i have been encountering things ever since i've been hooked with my pc. There are a lot of advantages and disadvantages in being "technologically advanced." i know...i'm not alone because my cousin also experience these things.
1. No one's gonna bother you when you're infront of the pc even if it takes you hours.
2. You can get away in talking into your parents in buying a lot of gadgets for your pc (ie. web cam, scanner, microphone, big speakers, new printer and a lot more!!)
3. You can make your own business. ( will talk about it in the next entry.ü)
4. You can find friends from different places.
5. You can save money because you'll be stuck infront of the pc that you don't wanna go out.
6. You won't feel dumb even if it's break from school coz you'll learn a lot of things from the internet. (charmus!)
7. You'll feel good when you've done some favors for your family or friends like (doin layout for blogs/website or downloading stuff)
8. You feel smart when you fix something that you don't normally know.
9. Your creative side will totally be challenged.
10. You'll be grammatically challenged especially in blogging.(^__^)
1. When there's something wrong with the pc...all fingers directly point at you!
2. If anyone in your family got a problem with their pc..they automatically bug you to check it out and fix it even if it can be fixed by using their common sense.
3. If you don't know what's wrong...foreheads crumples and immediately think you're dumb to not know what's the hell wrong with their pc!
4. You get a LOT and i mean a Lot of orders from your family to scan this, print this, email this, attach this, type this, download this, burn this, that you'll have no time for your own.
5. You're ass would get huge. (^__^)
6. You'll have headaches for staring at the screen too long.
7. You'll get totally obssessed that you'll get lost of time and you'll suddenly hear birds chirping outside to tell you that you gotta go to sleep coz it's already morning!! wahehe.
8. Sometimes, you'll find yourself having no more social life.
9. You'll forget that you haven't taken a bath yet! bwahehe.
10. You'll forget to eat lunch or dinner.
no...it's not the latest drug that's hit right now for the Gen-Ys. it's not a new line of fashion. it's not a cool game gadget released by Sony. it's not a product of technological advancement (i.e. cellphone, digital camera, pc, ipod/mp3). it's not even another wild idea of a reality show. this is the latest obssession that every Gen-Ys and even Gen-Xs are sooo into. Yes...just the simple Vanity that some people immediately think of Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie as they hear this word. but haven't you even thought about what the heck are your camera phones for?? look up your folders...is there just a certain folder in that phone of yours are collections of just your pictures? or even that atleast a couple of pictures of yourself are flooding your "pictures folder/gallery"? yes? wahehe. my guess is right. Vanity is the greatest obssession everyone is into.
This is a confession of a full fledge vain person. yes..i am vain. i may not wear make-up, heck! i don't even know how to put it on my damn face! (^__^) i may be more comfortable wearing flip-flops and sneakers rather than high heels or sandals. i own more t-shirts than sleeveless shirts or other blouse. i don't go crazy that i gotta spray on perfume before goin out of the house. but these are not all just the basis of being a vain.
i found the way to make a person go crazy of oneself without even knowing it! wahehe...honestly, i just figured it out myself. looking at my folder in my pc...i found myself shocked at all the pictures that i took for just a couple of months. i even realized that i have a lot of photo albums online of myself than i have pictures on our family photo album! i have totally become a vain person! yess...it is quite a surprise for me because a couple of years ago, my parents can't even make me smile for the camera or i even hide from my dad while he's turning on the camcorder. i don't even know how to smile while taking a pic. what happened? what turned me into this person who collects her own pictures? wahehe. i blame it on the camera phones that were released years ago , the digi cams that makes our patience be at ease by eliminating the horror of waiting for the 'develops' and ruined negatives, the nonstop networking (i.e friendster, multiply, myspace & etc) and of course, blogging. (^__^)
for me, this is not a bad thing at all. i believe this is just a normal phase. but there is also just the fine line between that and it might go too far. taking pictures of yourself may be your own happiness and no one can do anything about it but we should also be responsible on how to handle it. what am i talking about? with this vanity we indent not to only take pics of ourself but also us with others. we should also be responsible on this matter because we don't know what could happen. also, posting our pictures on the web may be taken by other people so we should also be careful that strangers may do something horrible with it and it'll be totally scary!
ohh..yes..gifts, gifts, gifts...wahehe..but that wasn't everything on my birthday. the true gifts that i have are my family and friends. (^__^) i didn't even expect them to give a gift...especially from my friends! wahehe. but some of the gifts really made me appreciate my friend...some made it themselves...others gave things that they know fit me even if its not expensive...it really doesn't matter becauseas long as im with them to celebrate my bday with...i'm truly gifted. the only gift that i personally asked was the iPod! bwahehe...i got that a month in advance but man..i was sooo contended. my brother gave me a patrick star pillow..wahehe...i love watchin spongebob squarepants (who doesnt!???) and i love spongebob & patrick star! wahehe. when i look at that pillow..i remember my brother. yah...they kinda like have a resemble something. wahehe. (^__^) my mom bought me 2 cute blue (of cors) blouse, a crop blouse (i dnt really know if thats what its called. wahehe.) and a pouch. my sister and her bf gave me a blue (yahh..im such a blue girl!) skirt and a handbag.
yah..today's my birthday. well, it's almost over. i never expected that i'd be this happy today. i was dreading this day because i'm now 19 years old! a year to go and it's goodbye teenhood.=c i'm happy today because things happened that i never expected. around 11:30pm last night, the texting never stopped. people kept on greeting me and it was truly a shock for me. my close friends and relatives know me that i have a problem in remembering others birthdays and so i wasn't expecting others to remember mine but it was truly a big shocker for me that even people i never expected to greet me actually greeted me and it touched my heart. (^__^)
even though i lack of sleep today..i only slept around 3-4hrs because my mom woke me up coz my relatives from manila called her up to greet me. it was pretty funny though because i really wasn't myself yet coz my mind was still sleeping honestly! wahehe. after a talk with a lot of relatives on the cell i couldnt sleep anymore. my mom left after a few minutes to buy lunch and a cake. man...waking up early was a real pain! there were a lot of people ringing the doorbell like information from the village, opening the gate and there was a guy who went to our house and was asking were our van was. he was working for the mercedes benz and he was looking for the van that we used to have. i told him that it was already sold and so he asked where to contact my dad so he could info *blah,blah* duh! i was still not in my senses that time..i didnt realized i gave him a wrong number!!!! wahehe. after he left did i realize that i didnt even know where the heck did i came up with that phone number. when i told my mom what happened she was laughing at me and told me that i really was not myself because i lack sleep! wahehe.
tonight...we went to Lotus Court at the Marco Polo hotel. my choice of course..wahehe..i was craving for Chinese food!!!!!! (^__^) yum! yum! we also had a free bottle of wine and a cake to bring home! my sister isnt here in davao so we had a representative..her boyfriend. it was bonding for all of us and it was really fun because we were having loads of fun!!!!!! (^_^) this was a day i thought would be lonely for me but yet...celebrating it with my family is so much fun and i truly appreciate it a lot.
